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Posts tagged little
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden …
Aug 29th
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. “Mom, I think I’m going to throw up!” She told him, “I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you.” So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. “Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?”
“I didn’t have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK.”
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Little Monster: “I hate my teacher.” …
Aug 5th
Little Monster: “I hate my teacher.”
Mother Monster: “Well, then just eat your salad, dear!”
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One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. …
Aug 3rd
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
“May I speak to your parents?”
“They’re busy.”
“Oh. Is anybody else there?”
“The police.”
“Can I speak to them?”
“They’re busy.”
“Oh. Is anybody else there?”
“The firemen.”
“Can I speak to them?”
“They’re busy.”
“So let me get this straight — your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they’re all busy? What are they doing?”
“Lookin for me.”
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On little Larry’s first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the …
Jul 29th
On little Larry’s first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, “I don’t belong here, I should be in third grade!”
The teacher looked at little Larry’s records and told him to please take his seat.
Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, “I don’t belong here, I should be in the third grade!”
Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry’s problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.
The teacher suggested they try some biology questions … “What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?” asked the teacher.
“Legs!” Larry immediately replied. “What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn’t?” asked the teacher.
“Pockets!” said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, “Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!”
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Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the …
Jul 18th
Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”
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Little Patrik asked for a bike for his Birthday. His dad said: “We’d get you one …
Jul 17th
Little Patrik asked for a bike for his Birthday. His dad said: “We’d get you one but your mortgage is $80,000 and your mum has lost her job.”
Next day Patrick walked out with his suitcase packed, his dad asks: “Where you going son?”
Patrick replied: “I walked past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out, then I heard mum tell you to wait coz she was comintoo, I’m not staying here on me own with an $80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!”
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There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the …
Jul 16th
There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, “What is a penis?” The boy replied, “I don’t know.” At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, “What is a penis?” The dad whips his out and says to the boy, “This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis.”
The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, “This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!”
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How do you make a bunch of little old ladies say “fuck”?
Jul 15th
How do you make a bunch of little old ladies say “fuck”?
Shout “Bingo!”
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“Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once …
Jul 12th
“Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’? “
“No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected.’”
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Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The …
Jul 6th
Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: “Does anyone know what this is?”
Little Johnny’s hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!”
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